Me Time? What IS that??!

After becoming a mother of two, I wondered how it might be possible to think about anything outside of the welfare of my children.  Unless it was work related, very little else seemed to stand a chance. 

Even remembering medical appointments, bill payment dates and visits to the clinic were pesky tasks that could often escape my frazzled memory.  I was no longer just getting one child ready to leave the house, I now focussed on getting three of us out of the house-how did things get so complicated??  It was strange that I couldn't stick to time parameters as hard as I tried.  There was always a last minute nappy change or a projectile vomiting incident that meant a change in outfit for at least one of us (usually me).  Time was not my best friend. In the early days, I much preferred to hibernate.  I loved to cosy up with my babies, spend hours reading with them and just flitting away the time where very little was expected of you because 'she's only just had a baby'.  Everybody knows that you are off the radar for at least the first 3 months! 

My creative mind was always buzzing though and I found it difficult to switch off from work related subjects, perhaps because I didn't see it as 'work'.  Being a drama practitioner, an author and a creative director at SWP was never a burden or a hardship for me.  Of course, it came with it's challenges as any freelancer/SME will tell you.  But overall, being surrounded by other creatives and those that enjoyed the field as much as I did was and still is something I relish in.  By the time my second child was six months old, I was slotting script writing in between his nap times and playtimes.  Trips to the library were as much for me as they were for the boys, I used rhyme time to interact with other parents, finding out what they and their children are looking for in drama/workshop providers and looking into research for my latest body of work.  I didn't want to miss any of my son's firsts, I wanted to hear that first word and squeal at his first steps just as I had with my firstborn but at the same time, I needed to be creative, I needed to connect with that side of myself even if it meant just writing down an inspiring quote that resonated with me or dreaming up an ideal setting for a new character in a play I was yet to scribble.

What with being a hands on mum, one that wanted to be first port of call for every trip, stumble and sneeze, I wasn't giving myself much of a chance for anything else and then I wondered why the day whizzed by so fast-every day!  Motherhood was fun, enlightening and a life experience like no other but it wasn't all there was to life.  It dawned on me after child number three that I wanted to be more of myself for myself and for my family too.  Does that make sense?  What I mean is, I wanted to expand myself, my knowledge and my spirituality and my presence on this planet.  I wanted to be 'full of myself'' (not arrogant) but have more understanding of what brought me joy, peace and enrichment so that I could be a better me!  Oprah Winfrey talked about this 'full of yourself' ideology when she addressed some college graduates at a talk in Georgia.   The Agnes Scott College were fortunate enough to be an audience to one of the most successful women on Earth and her point of view on success reached a turning point when she stopped being afraid of acknowledging her abilities.  She became self aware and confident.  Oprah said "You will get nowhere without a spiritual practice.  [That's] not necessarily religion. ... Maybe it's music, or dancing or just time for yourself to feed and nurture your own spirit," Oprah went on to talk about the importance of giving back and now her response to those that think she is so full of herself is "Yesss, I am. So full.".

                                           

I realised I needed to nurture my own self, that was what I was lacking, there was not enough balance in my life. My children didn't hinder my awareness of this or even my ability to act on it-that was my own doing and so I started to make small but deliberate changes.  I started to read even more than I had thought possible-where was the time?  I don't know!  But reading is a huge love of mine and so I made time.  Even if it was just for five minutes whilst waiting to be served at a till or ten minutes before I collapsed into bed, I wanted it badly enough to squeeze the day a little bit more, just for me.  I began to write more and consider more courses to attend too.  I wanted to grow and share more and in thinking about this, I realised this would benefit those around me.  It can only be a win-win.        It's still a work in progress but I realise, it is entirely possible.  Tiring but possible, here are my tips.

1. Become Organised

The obvious one!  You know the more children you have, the more organised you need to become.  Each child seems to come with their own timetable and of course, accounting for some kind of quality work-life balance is what we are trying to achieve.  So organising timetables that you are in charge of is a number one necessity.                     

                                                 

There are a number of ways to do this and from what I have observed, it's different strokes for different folks as what works for one may not work for another. However, I think common ground for organised folk is the use of calendars.   Online through various programmes and software (Google Calendar is great for this) or traditional paper calendars can be equally as efficient depending on your style, whatever your preference, ensure that your calendar is easily accessible and eye catching enough to remind you of where you need to be when and why.  My favourite 2017 calendar is by Busy B and the 2018 version is available here at Amazon.co.uk.  My favourite feature with this calendar is the pockets it has on each page which allow you to keep handy correction stickers and a note taking pencil handy.  It also has six columns which allows plenty of space for individual family member appointments.

                                             

2. Make an Appointment

Seems strange to contemplate, but this can actually work if you decide to attend.  Make an appointment with yourself!  If you needed to see the hygienist or mechanic, you would make an appointment and probably get charged as a no-show if you didn't turn up.  Making that kind of commitment to your mechanic is no more important to your state of mind than committing to carving out some time for yourself.  Spending a little time away from the everyday demands and dependents in your life can help to prepare you mentally for any challenges that lie ahead.  Creating distance from constant deliberation and decision making helps provide the headspace needed to make sound judgements.  The time out you create, even if it is just for a few moments, will help you to feel reenergised and able to look at old situations with fresh eyes. 

It is commonplace to feel pangs of guilt in taking this precious time for yourself, many primary carers feel they are being selfish for ‘stealing’ twenty minutes for themselves. This is a time to acknowledge that you are doing everybody a favour, not just yourself.  All parties benefit because in engaging in this practice regularly, you are presenting a better, more rested version of yourself to the world. 

What might I do with some time for myself? You may ask. That completely depends on you!  You might struggle to actually commit to the appointment initially, in which case I would recommend beginning with a short period like 10 minutes where you can fit in reading a few pages of a book, painting your toe nails or perhaps scheduling in a short walk alone to clear your head.  As you start to get more accustomed, extending your appointment with yourself might start to feel more comfortable, guilt free and very natural.  Why not enjoy a leisurely bubble bath with your favourite scented candles or a trolley dash to your favourite store?  Set your watch and feel the rewards of a renewed self at the end of your appointment-as fresh as dentist-clean teeth!

        
                                               



3. Multitasking

By doubling up on a few things at a time, I find that I manage to shave off a little bit of time here and there.  My favourite juggling act is to clean whilst listening to my trade podcasts/eBooks.  Loading the dishwasher and ironing become far less monotonous if you tune into your favourite Tedtalk or Youtuber whilst getting the job done.  It also helps if I set myself the challenge to finish the task at hand before my lecture/video is over.

                                       

4. Focus-The Dishes Will Wait!

A key thing to remember is not to procrastinate.  Remember that you are trying to create and follow a good habit, carving out time from an already busy schedule.  Don't be tempted to fill your newly created windows with things that leave you feeling dissatisfied.  I find that unless I am very disciplined with my time, I can blink and I'd have used it to load the dishwasher and fold the laundry.  If that's your objective for creating time for yourself, that is fine but if what you really, really wanted to do was tune out in front of Netflix with some apple pie...focus!

Gaining balance is a work in progress but I certainly feel the benefits from implementing new strategies.  How about you?  How do you create me time out of no time?  Leave a comment below :)